Monday, January 24, 2011

Our relationship continues...

It was the New Year morning… The beginning of a new year... a new hope…! It was 1 Jan. ’11.

I was happy as the previous night was gone and it was one night no one would ever like to live… The doctors had given up all hopes and told us that these are Papa’s last 4-6 hours. Being a Doctor myself I knew the consequences, I knew how ugly was all this going to be, I knew that the chances were not more than 2%, but then the Daughter inside me kept me going. And I believed in Papa’s strengths and beliefs more than mine! I was hopeful right from the beginning and I was making everyone believe in my hopes. I knew that a miracle will happen. I knew that Papa will open his eyes and put his hand on my head and smile… may be not soon… but I was still waiting for the miracle. And with all my hopes up I went to the hospital sharp @ 7 am…

After finishing all my routine duties with the nursing staff and with the Doctors done with there round, I was sitting beside papa holding his hand in mine and singing the song “Tujhse naraaz nahi zindagi..” in a very low voice. It was a song that Papa loved to hear from me, so there I was… and then the GNM student- Shashwati walked in… she had been seeing me with Papa all these days. She wished me a Happy New Year and I wished her the same saying “Happy New Year to you, my New Year can only be Happy when Papa regains consciousness!” to this she smiled and said “Aap bahut khayal rakhte ho uncle ka. You sure love him a lot” and I said “Yes… I do…” She went after that to attend the other patients leaving me thinking of all those times when I was this little girl, fighting for her life on so many occasions… and then like a flashback, it all started coming back to me…

There were many nights when my parents rushed out of our home for hospital with me in there arms… struggling for each breath. For all those who were left back home- they could just pray that I would be brought back home alive… And Papa-He never slept even for a minute all those nights as he was busy making sure I’m still breathing. If he ever saw even a minor distress on my face, he would run for the doctor and ask him to do anything that would help me survive. Right from crying to running to the hospital late night even during rains to running back to the city, asking his friend to open the medical store to get medicines for me- he did everything to keep me alive... to see his little princess smiling and shining again…

All that reminded me of all the more reasons I love, respect and cherish my Papa. I got back to reality with entering of the Intern to check Papa’s vitals. That day added to my happiness because Finally on that day Papa’s vitals were stable… right from the time I came to the hospital till I left Papa @ 9 pm. And before leaving, I went close to Papa and whispered into his ears “Papa… You’re doing good today! And when I come back tomorrow morning, I want to see you even better. Remember – I love you a lot and I’ll do anything and everything to make sure you’re all right. We have a lot of plans to make and get them fulfilled and we gotta do all that soon… I love you mere Paapu… My Daddy strongest!” kissed his forehead and left with a smile on my face… and lots of hopes in my heart!

My Papa died that night! Exactly 2 hours later! I wish I could say that he made some miracle recovery… but he didn’t! His heart just stopped pumping! I feel like he was just waiting for me to leave so that he could leave because he never wanted me to see him giving up! And I wish I could tell you that there was some good that came out of it… That through Papa’s death we could all go on living… Only thing was he had lots of blessings from all those people he helped and gave them a reason to live and saved the lives of those farmers who were going to commit suicide… he was the true King of Hearts. But now it’s all over… he’s just gone… a little piece of blue sky now… And we all have to move on…

Life is different now. A lot has changed in the last few days. Maa went back to work with all the emptiness in her heart but still being strong! Bhai went back to Pune and has got into this great MBA course. And even though we’ve all grown from it and moved on, I’ll never understand why Papa had to die and we all got to live!? There’s no reason for it I guess… Death is just Death! Nobody understands it. And once upon a time, I thought I was put on Earth to love and take care of my father, that I am becoming a doctor so that I can always keep him away from sickness. And I couldn’t do it! I realize now that isn’t the point. The point is I had him as my Papa. And he was wonderful-the greatest! One day I’m sure I’ll see him again. But until then… Our relationship continues…

6 comments:

  1. awesome, makes you cry but a hope is there to overcome such a irrepayable loss

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  2. satyam
    mujhko woh pehli dant ab tak yaad hey
    chot mujhey thi aansun aapkey yaad hey

    school jab mujhey pehli baar chor aaye they
    chup-chup key khub roye they yaad hey

    maa kie jub pehlie baar sari pehan lie thie
    aapki aankhon kie woh kushi ab tak yaad hey

    cont..

    paa mujhey sab yaad hey

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  3. Beautiful. very well expressed.

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  4. Hey this is real spirit of a doctor
    to fight against all odd
    nice one

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  5. der izz silver line behind every dark cloud ....b strong mam !!!

    ReplyDelete